Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Telling the truth gets me into more trouble than lying... and I am bad at lying
Maybe I'm bad at telling the truth.
In reality, I think it's that I have bad timing telling the truth. Oftentimes when there is something I need to "be honest" about, it's something that there isn't necessarily a good time for. Therefore there is a good time for it and that time is never... that didn't make much sense I suppose. It's like I bottle things up for a really long time, let out a little steam from it, apply more pressure, find a way to apply more pressure because I am in a bad mood, and then finally melt down. I don't like how I do this. I would like to find a healthier way to get rid of stuff, but alas it doesn't work. I fail at this stuff.
In reality, I think it's that I have bad timing telling the truth. Oftentimes when there is something I need to "be honest" about, it's something that there isn't necessarily a good time for. Therefore there is a good time for it and that time is never... that didn't make much sense I suppose. It's like I bottle things up for a really long time, let out a little steam from it, apply more pressure, find a way to apply more pressure because I am in a bad mood, and then finally melt down. I don't like how I do this. I would like to find a healthier way to get rid of stuff, but alas it doesn't work. I fail at this stuff.
This is a mushroom cloud in case you can't tell. I am not the best artist ever.
I think I am too honest and too caring and I wish I could just stop. The thing is that some people do appreciate that in me and a lot of them are the ones hiring me or working with me. I should try and please them. I am getting tired of trying too hard though. I give everything about myself to people who don't appreciate it or who don't understand how I am trying to be the best I can be for them and it exhausts me. I'm tired of losing and I am tired of promising I could be there and be strong without being met halfway. I like to think I am a loving person but it gets hard after a while. it's hard to be nice. It's hard to cry over stupid stuff when so many parts of you are crying out telling you it's worth it. I've got different sides of me telling me different signals. My heart says it's worth it and my brain says I've already been hurt before. I want to know what part to listen to; I think it's the one I have been following but love/infatuation/liking doesn't pay the bills. It also can't fix everything.
This is turning into a sleepy, stupid, emotional rant though. I wanted to update for Kelly. She wanted one. Too bad it's a pity party.... I need sleep now. Happier update to come later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)